The Potato Games Prediction Extravaganza

By: Max Bachmann

Welcome to the Potato Games Association! The PGA, not to be confused with the Professional Golfers’ Association or the Producers Guild of America, is a league dedicated to the play of potato games -- a Minecraft mini-game which pits virtual athletes against one another in the competition for the ultimate prize, potatoes.

Introduced in 2015, potato games is a popular mini-game platform that consists of sixteen even minier mini-games. These mini-games include Assembly, Descent, Color Roulette, Downgrade, Shatter, Shadow Fighters, Potato Royale, Potato Hoarder, Woolly Collection, Pyromania, Fuse, Tsunami, Paint Blast, Collapse, Knockout, and my personal favorite, Sheariously.

The object: win potatoes. The winner of each mini-game is awarded one potato. The first player to win either five or ten potatoes is crowned the Potato King. Notable Potato Kings include Scott “The Fugalmaster” Davis, Will “Monkey Man” Reed, Stanley “Dr. A Lot” Galloway, Mark “The Sphinx” Nobilio, Griffin “Stamina” O’Neill.

However, winning potatoes is not all that counts in the PGA. Finishing in the top three in a mini-game also nets you points, and stringing together multiple top-three finishes pushes you to the top of the rankings.

So without further ado, let’s meet our competitors!

Scott Davis

Scott Davis is a perennial favorite for the Potato King crown. As the administrator of the server, Davis knows the ins and outs of Minecraft and will be a fierce competitor in the games to come. Davis is known to be a ruthless fighter and a savvy tactician, yet doubts about his game still remain. One anonymous league member said of Davis, “Not the least pick but sure as hell no one’s first pick.” Will he prove the doubters wrong?

Mark Nobilio

Mark Nobilio is the newest member of the PGA, yet has already proven himself to be a force to be reckoned with. Struggling with mobility early on, Nobilio has used his strong bow-and-arrow game to effect in competitions like Fuse and Potato Royale. Speaking about Nobilio, one competitor noted, “He [Nobilio] is a top youth prospect with plenty of space to grow.” Can Nobilio continue his meteoric rise?

Joshua Choi

Joshua Choi is a relative newcomer to the Minecraft scene. Speaking on his late debut, Choi revealed he “had friends in middle school” and thus is relatively new to Minecraft. Choi is nonetheless a strong competitor and is a threat to win any mini-game. However, his critics are unsure of his pedigree, with one player stating, “I don’t remember if he’s good or bad, all I remember is that he b*****s the whole time.” Can Josh prove to his fellow competitors, who did not have friends in middle school, that he can play with the best of them?

Lauren Carlson

Lauren Carlson is one of two female competitors in the PGA, a traditionally male dominated league, and is showing the world why she deserves a spot with the best. Despite early preseason struggles, Carlson has shown steady improvement and will look to build on that as the regular season begins. One player called her “the greatest burst of improvement ever seen”, while another described her as “a solid player”. Can she challenge for the crown?

Griffin O’Neill

Griffin O’Neill is one of the preseason favorites to win the crown. Known for his “stamina over skill” mindset, O’Neill is constantly a threat to win at any game, especially Assembly. O’Neill is well regarded in the PGA community for his dedication to winning, yet doubts remain over his leadership ability, with one competitor saying he “lacks [the] ability to get a team to the top.” Can O’Neill prove the doubters wrong and lead his team to a crown?

Meghan Kraft

Meghan Kraft is an underrated league member who has proven herself to be a major contender for the crown. Playing with a shark skin, players have noted her predatory play style. Kraft is regarded as one of the most hard working players in the league, constantly putting in work practicing for league play. One player described Kraft saying she has “good dedication and a promising future career.” Will she show the world that she is ready to break into the top tier?

Noah Anderson

Described as “a tough competitor” and “a great friend but I [anonymous] don’t remember how good he is at Minecraft”, Noah Anderson is a strong player in the PGA. Anderson is usually quiet in-game and his play fluctuates, but there is no denying his potential. Many experts are saying he is poised for a breakout campaign. Will he challenge for the crown?

Gus Bachmann

Gus Bachmann is one of the younger competitors in the PGA, but has shown promise with his play. Bachmann is prone to silly errors and lapses in concentration leading to early exits from mini-games like Color Roulette. Playing as an ape, fellow players have noted that “his skin matches his play style.” Can Bachmann cut out the errors and make a push for the crown?

Ethan Coughlin

Ethan Coughlin is a relative wild card in the PGA. He has shown he has the tools to succeed and challenge for the crown, but his appearances in the preseason were relatively few. Regardless, his fellow league players see promise, with one player noting, “He’s definitely one to watch” and another stating “He seems to be a good player.” Can Coughlin emerge as a major competitor for the crown?

Johnny Kraft

Johnny Kraft is one of the biggest mysteries of the PGA. Having only played one preseason tournament his sample size is relatively small compared to the rest of the competitors. With that being said, one player described his play style as “refined madness.” Can this mystery man shock the league and win the crown?

Stanley Galloway

Stanley Galloway is widely regarded as one of the strongest competitors in PGA history, often called “The Savant” by his colleagues. Galloway has shown his strength in most mini-games, particularly in Assembly and Sheariously, and has few weaknesses. When asked about his place in the PGA, Galloway stated that he was “[the] League’s future.” Is Galloway really the future of the PGA, or can he be dethroned?

Theo Tagle

Theo Tagle is one of the most interesting players currently in the PGA. Despite not winning any of the preseason tournaments, Tagle registered multiple mini-game victories and established himself as one of the league’s top players going forward. “Tagle is going to shock a lot of people this year,” one competitor said. “He has the chops to win the crown, 100%” noted another. Can Tagle back up the hype surrounding him entering this season and challenge for the crown?

William Reed

William Reed is among the greats of the PGA. Considered to be a favorite to win the crown this season, Reed combines devastating playmaking with incredible knowledge of the game to consistently challenge anyone he plays against. Speaking of Reed, one competitor said he is “top three, even on his worst days,” while another noted that “just by looking at him you can tell he is good at minecraft.” Can Reed continue to dominate the league en route to another crown?

Max Bachmann

Winner of only one potato ever, this looks to be another long season for Max Bachmann, a perennial bottom-feeder. Despite small improvement, Bachmann has had trouble competing in most of the mini-games, and is often the first player eliminated. His play can be summed up by one player’s thoughts, “Half of the time he [Bachmann] doesn’t realize he’s playing and the other half he tries his best but it’s still not enough…” Can Bachmann take his game to the next level or is he doomed to spend another season at the bottom of the table?

Sawyer Phillips

Sawyer Phillips is another relative mystery to the PGA, having only played in a handful of preseason games. Despite his lack of game time, his colleagues have earmarked him as a player to watch this season, saying, “He’s got a lot of promise and could really shock some people.” His league status is unknown. Can he make a surprising run for the crown?

Well there you have it folks, you 2019-2020 PGA roster. League play kicks off tonight and there are many questions to be answered! Will Nobilio continue his meteoric rise? Will the Krafts band together and for an alliance? Will Davis attempt to collude again in Sheariously? Can Galloway or Reed be stopped?

Stay tuned to find out!